Debunking the myth....

This blog is based on a conversation I had last night with a friend. We both have a lot in common. We're the same age, married around the same time (give or take a year), working full time, and our husbands are both current students. She said to me last night how she's not sure if she really wants to have kids. I know exactly how she feels. Let me come to her defense and say that she is a wonderful person and any decision she and her husband make is THEIR decision. No one should judge or put down whatever they decided for their future.

So here's where I debunk the myth that all women want marriage and kids. On the contrary, there are a lot of women who want kids, but don't want marriage and vice versa. Does this make them evil? Do childless women have no heart? The answer is no. While I'm debunking this myth, let me just state that there are a lot of men I have met who have no phobias over marriage or kids. My husband first proposed to me after 6 months of dating. No ring, no knee, he just blurted out "I want to marry you!" I, the then 18 year old, sat there gasped because I never thought about getting married or kids or any of that. But I am digressing.

So growing up I had baby dolls and they sat in my room collecting dust. Random family members would give my dolls for Christmas and my birthday and I would play with them for like a day or two, but after that they sat in my room perched in their play cribs while I played with my Barbies making up fabulous stories and adventures Barbie and Ken would get into. I would also sit in my room and write or play school (I was a very nerdy child). As I grew older, people would ask my mom if I would want to babysit for them (because my sisters did) and I would look at her and ask "why". I had no interest in seeing other people's children. (I know that sounds harsh, but it's true). I would get excited when someone said they got a new kitten, but I remember being around 11 when a cousin of mine and his wife had their first child. I looked at it squirming around in their arms and they asked if I wanted to hold it. I said no. Of course I got a lecture on how rude I was, but my mom slowly starting to leave me alone about babysitting or looking at the cute baby over there. I remember being in high school and how my friends talked about finishing college and getting married and having kids. Me, I was planning my career milestones up until age 45! I just never thought wife and motherhood was in my cards and I never really had interest in it either.

Well now I'm married to a wonderfully sweet man who would like kids, but doesn't look at it as a big deal whether we do or not. I am currently going back and forth on my decision. On the one hand, I see having a child with my husband as somewhat poetic and tender. On the other hand, I see the time and patience one needs to have to raise a child. Time I can give, patience...well...that's another blog. And any decision we make is OURS and should not be judged or put down because we are making the decision that is best for us.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is not all women instantly know they want to be moms and that's ok. We will bounce back and forth between our decisions and go through the pros and cons of it all before we land on a decision, but we will make the decision that's best for us. Or biology will. Either way, we're still people just trying to make it through the day and have a great relationship with our husbands, family, and friends.

Here is some advice I can give. My husband and I decided to keep this topic as an "open-ended" conversation. Meaning that one of us can pick up this conversation and end it whenever we feel like it. We also laid out some ground rules. 1. the recipient must stop what they are doing and listen to what the initiator has to say. 2. this will not become an argument, in the event that it does, the conversation stops 3. this is a conversation where we are just airing out our feelings and thoughts and cannot be used in later arguments. Feel free to use this method. It really has worked for us and opened up communication on any topic much easier.

So that's it. That's my opinion. To my friend that inspire this blog...you'll make the decision that's best for you. That decision might not come instantly. It might be another 3 years or more, but don't let anyone else influence your decision.