Most that know me know when I'm nervous. I generally act calm, soft-spoken, and focused on something. To people who don't know me well they think I'm just a very focused person, but oh no I'm really dealing with that gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach and that weird feeling you get before you throw up. That is what I'm feeling today. Above my fear of spiders, heights, and darkness, there is my overwhelming fear of uncertainty. Of course I've let go over my ever-loving need to plan everything out, but I can't help but freak out at the thought of not knowing where I might be living in month or where my career might be heading. Those things are important to me. That is what gives me a foundation for my life.
I think the fear all started when I was little girl. My family moved a lot when I was very little. We finally settled and stopped moving when I was around age 6. Though my parents don't think I remember any of it, I do. I remember my dad's reassuring smile that this would be the last move and my mom's uneasiness to moving to a whole other place to settle in. I remember the boxes scattered about. Nothing makes you examine your life like packing it all in boxes and moving it to another location. I'm not blaming my parents, but the experience made me crave a need for a stable home to lay my life down in. Does that make sense? I hope so.
Now the possibility of moving and finding a new job is very daunting, but I'm trying to embrace this feeling. Unfortunately I cannot go into specifics, but I'll have more information to come.
